We have previously talked a little bit in the blog about the stressful life of an entrepreneur, especially a new one, and how it affects Oleg and our relationship. What we haven’t discussed so much though, is how it all affects me. Today it’s time to open the subject from my point of view. Cause one thing is clear, even though Oleg is the one that started this business it doesn’t mean that his work won’t affect me too.
For a year and a half now, I’ve been closely following all the work that a new business entails. I won’t go into details right now, Oleg will tell you more about that at some point, but one thing I will say. Oleg could basically work 24 hours a day and still not have it all done. There’s always a little bit more waiting. And even though it is more than fantastic that there’s such a big demand of the work he does, it isn’t always the best thing for our relationship. I am myself used to an eight-hour work day where you are, most of the time at least, able to leave the work at the office at the end of the day. The evenings are free for hobbies, my friends and most of all my boyfriend. This is also how our life looked like at the beginning of our relationship, when Oleg was still working as an employee. We had both our weekends and our week day evenings free for each other. Nowadays the situation looks a little bit different.
Oleg’s work days start early in the morning and ends at seven o’clock in the evening at best. Most of the time he won’t be home before nine. At that point I’ve already had time to do a full eight-hour work day, go to dance or yoga class and spend some me-time alone at home. So, when Oleg finally gets home tired he won’t want to do anything else but to sit down with me on the sofa and relax for a little bit. I am, on the other hand, full of energy and want to talk to him about everything that’s been going on during the day or, if I’m tired and in a bad mood, tell him about all the things he should have done better in the morning like not leave his dirty socks on the floor, clean up his bread crumbs and so on.
Another scenario, which also happens from time to time, is when Oleg promises to leave work early but ends up coming home two hours late. At this point I’m not happy and energetic anymore but disappointed, annoyed and sometimes even angry. And even though I know he’s late because of work, I can’t shake that feeling of being annoyed. The same thing happens when we are hanging out together, but Oleg spends most of the time answering work mails on his phone.
These are the times when I find myself struggling with two options. Should I tell Oleg how I feel and most possibly start a fight, or should I keep my feelings to myself and try to be more supportive and understanding instead? Am I even allowed to feel annoyed? Unfortunately, I am forced to admit that at the beginning of his entrepreneurship, I more than often chose the first of the two options. Fortunately, there is a third option available, that I can use those times that keeping it to myself isn’t working.
I do understand that the best time to point out that Oleg’s socks are on the floor or to mope about him being a little late isn’t when he comes home tired and stressed from work. At the same time, I also know that not talking about it isn’t any better. Unsolved, these feelings have a habit of coming back to bite you in the ass when you least expect it. Especially those times when you strongly feel that your reaction is justified. So, in other words, it is just as important to be able to talk about bad feelings as it is to talk about good ones. It is only a matter of how you talk about them, or to who. My dad is also an entrepreneur, so I’ve talked quite a lot about these things with my mom and realized that it helps just acknowledging my feelings to able to let them go. I don’t even necessarily have to tell them to Oleg. But, when I do talk to Oleg, it is important to emphasize that these are just my feelings not necessarily something that needs to be set as right or wrong. This way Oleg doesn’t feel like I’m attacking him, and we can talk about it in a constructive way. At least it’s been working so far! ????
Trench – Ril’s
Dress – & Other Stories
Boots – Tommy Hilfiger